Are You Pulling Your Weight?

The Pitfalls of Keeping Score in Relationships: Why Teamwork Trumps Tallies

Have you ever found yourself mentally keeping track of who does more in your household or relationship? Maybe you think, I cooked dinner three times this week, so they should take out the trash. Or perhaps you feel underappreciated, believing your contributions outweigh theirs. While it’s natural to want fair balance, keeping score is a losing game. It fosters resentment, stifles collaboration, and distracts from what truly matters—working together as a team.

The idea that contributions should be equal is flawed. What one person finds difficult, another might do effortlessly, and not all efforts can—or should—be measured. For instance, the value of emotional support or a positive attitude is immeasurable, yet it’s just as essential as tangible tasks like cooking or cleaning. Similarly, being present for your family is as important as earning a paycheck. Both roles matter, even if they look different.

True teamwork is about recognizing each person’s strengths and weaknesses, sharing the load, and supporting one another without expectation of praise or reciprocation. It’s about understanding that some tasks, though menial, are necessary, and that sometimes one person may take on more while others step back. Over time, it all balances out.

Rather than focusing on who’s doing more, shift your energy to fostering collaboration. Set clear expectations, communicate openly, and do your part without keeping tabs. Remember, relationships thrive when both people prioritize each other’s needs and work toward a common goal. As Helen Keller once said, “Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much.” The joy lies not in counting contributions but in the act of giving itself. So, step back, stop the scoreboard, and embrace the power of teamwork.