Decoding Unexpected Approaches: A Quick Guide

Feeling caught off guard when someone starts talking to you? Learn a simple technique to smoothly transition into a more engaging conversation.

Warming Up When You’re Not Feeling It: Chitchat Jujutsu

Ever been pleasantly surprised by an unexpected approach? You might have been lost in thought, not really in “social mode,” when a connection sparked. This can leave you feeling flustered, like a missed opportunity. But what if you could quickly shift into gear and make the most of these moments?

The key is “chitchat jujutsu,” a technique borrowed from martial arts. Instead of trying to force a conversation when you’re unprepared, you yield to the other person’s initiative and guide their energy. When someone approaches you, they’ve already taken the first step. Your role is to gently steer the interaction, allowing them to talk while you warm up.

The Three Pillars of Chitchat Jujutsu

This simple approach hinges on three core principles:

1. Short, Positive Remarks: Forget lengthy, introspective questions when you’re not “on.” Instead, offer brief, positive comments about the person. Notice something specific – their boots, their hair, their style – and express appreciation. This validates their approach and buys you time to mentally prepare.

2. Relate Everything Back to Her: When you’re in a low-energy state, keep your responses focused on the other person. Instead of talking about yourself, echo their points or connect their statements to their interests. This encourages them to share and keeps the conversation flowing while you gather your social energy.

3. Don’t Ask Questions Until You’re Ready: Questions can signal that you’re actively engaging and taking charge. If you’re still warming up, avoid them. Focus on rewarding their initiative with positive remarks and relating everything back to them. Save the questions for when you’re ready to lead the conversation.

Mastering the Transition

This isn’t a magic formula for every interaction, but a valuable tool for those unexpected encounters. By applying these three steps, you can smoothly navigate situations where someone approaches you when you weren’t expecting it. It’s about recognizing opportunities, encouraging connection, and gracefully shifting into a more engaged state.

Chase Amante is a dating and social psychology expert dedicated to helping men navigate the complexities of attraction and connection. His One Date System offers a comprehensive approach to dating success.